I am still there. Half way up a mountain. Below lies civilization, society. Above only isolation and solitude. I am in limbo. "Hell is other people." I can't go down there - I have no friends anymore. They despise my cynicism. I abhor their self satisfaction. Their pride drains all that is left of my confidence. But hell is also the fear of people. Up there lies the unknown. If I was completely forsaken, it would be an easy choice. But something holds me back. What? The only invariant in all of this is my insecurity. I can't renounce companionship because it still sustains me. It is the gravity that prevents my ascent. The mountain top and the base are the same for me. And that is why I stay here. The geometry shifts. I see now that I am in a valley. On all sides are steep inclines that I am unable to overcome. It is not a conflict between the individual and society. That for me, is too pretentious. It is simply me against I. copyright 2001 Barry Walsh |